It's OK to feel ashamed.  Everyone feels ashamed when they believe that
they've done something that has hurt someone or some living thing.  Feeling
ashamed from time to time is part of being human.  Most people in your type
of situation tend to feel ashamed too so you're certainly not alone.  Even
though you're feeling ashamed, I want you to keep chatting with me until you
feel better.  What have you got to lose?

Shame is a natural instinct.  In the wild, shame is the recognition that the
patterns of your life (your habits) are causing a source of your life to dry up
(or become so polluted that it can't support your life).  For example, if you
began to realize that your habit of defecating in the watering hole you rely on
for fresh water was making the water unfit to support your life (and the lives
of others like you), you would feel ashamed of yourself.  In the wild, living
things naturally "feel guilty" and stop doing the things they are "ashamed" of.
 If a living thing continues to habitually behave in a "shameful way", it usually
dies because its own life pattern leads to the cutting off of its own
sustenance.  In the modern world, being ashamed is essentially the same
thing but on a more complex level.  Someone who has done something
shameful has essentially behaved in a way that harms life.  Under normal
circumstances, feelings of shame lift when your natural feelings of guilt (or
better yet - love!) motivate you to change your habits and clean up the
situation you've created.  People who feel ashamed show that they are wise
when they contact a loved one and share mutual love and support so they
can change their habits, do their best to clean up the situation, and get on
with their lives.  But many people are "stuck" and feel ashamed much of the
time.  People who feel  ashamed, depressed, or anxious much of the time
show that they are wise when they seek professional help.  If you are stuck
in shame, it almost always means that you were raised by "toxic parents"
who never loved you unconditionally.  You had no control over it.  As an
innocent human infant, you naturally loved your parents unconditionally.  If
they had loved you back with unconditional love, you would not have become
stuck in shame.  But many parent's love tends to be conditional based on
their children's behavior.  And some parents are such perfectionists that the
children can never do anything "right" in their eyes.  And so a nasty cycle
begins where the child constantly feels ashamed, but no matter how they
change their behavior, they almost never get the love they need to develop
into healthy human beings.  And so something inside begins to shrivel up until
it's near death.  Other children have been physically and/or sexually abused
and learn to also be ashamed virtually all the time.  But if you're reading this
now, there is hope because you're still alive!!!  It's important for you to
realize that there is unconditional love in the world (though it's rare).  It's also
important for you to realize that you can begin to experience it simply by
making a decision to love yourself right here right now regardless of who
you are and what you've done in your life!

But as always, the choice about where you go from here is up to you.  
So what would you like to chat about now?
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